Cecily: I crumble when people expect too much from me romantically. But then, to an extent, I expect much of them. And the symmetry cripples us both, until all we can do is make out at the movies and try to forget we can’t really make eye contact for fear of not being or being in love.
Author: thedailymails
Two strangers, on life.
Yann: You cannot be real. I bet you’re a spam cyborg.
Cecily: I am certainly a cyborg, but not a spam one. Are you one of “us”?
Yann: I… I’m not sure… I travel around the world, looking for answers. I hope to eventually find out who I am.
Cecily: You’ll probably find you’re human. That would be the best end.
Carlo, on umbrellas.
Carlo: I am a thief of umbrellas. I give them to beautiful women who pass by the Café de Flore.
Two friends, on wives.
Karim: I’m flying back to Riyadh for a couple of weeks.
Cecily: Bring me a wife?… That may have come off as culturally conflationary, but I generally ask for wives when my friends travel.
Two friends, on being home for Christmas.
Cecily: How’s the family?
Alexander: I had lunch with my father. The first twenty minutes was spent awkwardly playing with condensation on the table in silence.
Two friends, on monogamy.
Cecily: I had a massive panic attack the other day because I haven’t dealt with monogamy in such a very long time.
Alexander: Maybe try and brainwash them just enough to start a polyamorous cult of mutually aware men who are in love with you?
Cecily: I did that over summer.
Raj, before Christmas dinner.
Raj: I couldn’t find some decent gin, so I got some dodgy cognac instead.
Two friends, over lunch.
Charles: Ever since I became a lawyer I’ve had a sense of entitlement over cross examining people.
Cecily: I cross examine everybody despite my status as a professional social butterfly.
Two friends, on relationships.
Cecily: I just agreed to a one hundred percent monogamous, committed relationship.
Christian: For the weekend?
Delilah, to Cecily.
Delilah: So, brother, I’ve been shook the fuck up. You must be Jesus, the devil, or some kind of prescient energy force that transcends the need for physical form but comes to humans in the form of a slightly manic, dry-witted succubus.
thedailymails 