Alexander: I have begun to eat meat again and stopped recycling; it’s doing wonders for my creative flow.
alcoholics anonymous
Two friends, on family
Cecily: My father arrives in Paris tomorrow.
Alexander: I will pray for you, to whatever agnostic force exists in the beyond.
Cecily: You need not do that. My father is lovely.
Alexander: Oh really? I thought you too suffered from a case of « batshit family ».
Cecily: I do have a batshit family, but probably not in your sense. We’re high-functioning on the bad-shit spectrum.
Alexander, on love and Portland.
Alexander: I think this is the death of me — falling in love with a man on the West Coast and relaxing further into the blissful black hole of soft drugs and rampant socially acceptable alcoholism that is Portland.
Rahoul, on a female.
Rahoul: A female is in the place. She must be mounted.
Arnaud, on pregnancy.
Arnaud: This afternoon, I will meet the girl in Bordeaux for whom my love is unrequited. She just told me that she is pregnant once again. I will binge-drink to celebrate it.
Jonathan, to Cecily.
Jonathan: You have a resistance to alcohol which is rarely seen on our continent.
Alexander, on stock characters.
Alexander: I have realised recently that the vast majority of people one meets are simply stock characters in the grand scheme of life’s narrative. The only people worth holding on to are other “writers”. Nearly all of the people with whom I consort are plot devices, nothing more. So now I’m bingeing on Häagen-Dazs, drinking The Botanist out of the bottle, and watching Bridget Jones’ Diary.
Alexander, on vodka.
Alexander: I drank an ungodly amount of vodka last night. I fear the only way this hangover will be cured is via exorcism and therapy.
Alexander to Cecily, on pending solutions.
Alexander: I will offer tentative solutions to all of your problems once I’m not so défoncé.
Two friends, on the virtues of wine.
Cecily: Jesus converted water into wine!
Arnaud: And did he drink it?
thedailymails 