Christian: I live in fear of mutant spiders hiding in my luggage and journeying back to Paris with me from my country house. I rather suspect my gardener, Monsieur Poupée breeds them. And my Dutch lesbian neighbours sell them on the satanic market in Utrecht!

Cecily: The satanic market in Utrecht is the only place I’d want your mutant spiders to be. So, I am grateful for your Dutch lesbians and their industry.

Christian: Monsieur Poupée is an odd one, isn’t he? I didn’t realise he had a key to my house until recently — it’s all a bit Agatha Christie.

Cecily: Your country home is indeed a queer place, with extra queer neighbours, and a feeling that Miss Marple is hanging about in the shadows, ready to swoop in when one of us inevitably goes rogue over too much Bordeaux and boeuf bourguignon.