friends

Alexander, on stock characters.

Alexander: I have realised recently that the vast majority of people one meets are simply stock characters in the grand scheme of life’s narrative. The only people worth holding on to are other “writers”. Nearly all of the people with whom I consort are plot devices, nothing more. So now I’m bingeing on Häagen-Dazs, drinking The Botanist out of the bottle, and watching Bridget Jones’ Diary.

Two friends, on world domination.

Arnaud: The world is mine!

Cecily: I want Paris.

Arnaud: No.

Cecily: In that case, I’ll have to seize it by force or charm. I have all of the men of Paris on my side. What do you have? The female waitstaff of your favourite café?

Two friends, on reputation.

Cecily: I looked for you today at your Couleur Café.

Arnaud: Couleur Café isn’t my café anymore. Some rumours about me were born in that hellish place.

Cecily: I have had many rumours spread about me throughout Paris. Lights, camera, scandal! In fact, the staff at Le Meurice told a man I was courting that I was a high class escort.

Arnaud: People!

Cecily: Well, it’s expected in Paris. I kill them with my kindness and my charm.

Arnaud: You should consider swords.

Cecily: Sometimes my kindness comes off too flirtatious though…

Arnaud: Oh, I see. “I am not a hooker. I would like you to invite me to Arpège for dinner to explain it all”.

Two friends, on parents.

Cecily: At least your parents know who you are.

Alexander: They’re from Texas. They have no clue how to handle the malaise-riddled, bilingual, gender non-binary gay man that shares their genetics. They’d die of aneurysms if they met the people with whom I keep company: charlatans, musicians, career hedonists, trust fund druggies, and the older men with whom I seek to fill my paternal void (usually via sex and misplaced feelings).