relationship coach

Christian, on Brexit.

Christian: This is why Brexit happened. A culture that cannot manage to put hot and cold water into one tap can’t possibly know how to effectively mix their people.

Two friends, on job titles.

Cecily: ‘Regulatory Intelligence Strategy Leader’ sounds like it’d go down well at dinner parties.

Santiago: It doesn’t. People get stuck at “Regulatory”. I never get to the “Intelligence” or the “Leader” part.

Cecily: Take out the “Regulatory” and put it at the end in brackets like this: “Intelligence Strategy Leader (in the regulatory space)”.

Santiago: If I am promoted, I will hire you.

Cecily: You’re already Leader. How could you get more powerful? President? King? Czar? Oligarch?

Santiago: I always loved “Shah”. Exotic tone.

Cecily:  “Shah of Regulatory Intelligence Strategy” works. I’m fairly sure nobody is going to think about the Regulatory part if they get the Shah first.

Santiago: I hope they kneel instead, and salute me on top of my camel. It’s 4pm — the hour of delusion.

Cecily: Just one hour till the hour of wine!

Alexander, on Australians.

Alexander: I helped multiple gorgeous Australian men at the boulangerie today. I don’t know how you ever left your motherland. Yours are a wonderful and lust-inspiring people.

Two friends, on escrow.

Cecily: Guess. What.

Alexander: I would not know where to begin. But, given your house hunt, might I be speaking with a woman in escrow?

Alexander, about gluten free.

Alexander: I’d love to try being gluten free at some point, but during this chapter of my life, I’m quite content having an extra three kilos and a perpetual cloud of shame hanging about my head.

Alexander, on life changes.

Alexander: I have begun to eat meat again and stopped recycling; it’s doing wonders for my creative flow.

Alexander, on true love.

Alexander: I sat next to Slavoj Žižek’s more attractive doppelgänger on the bus today. In that moment I truly knew what it is to love a man.

Two friends, on lipstick.

Cecily: Every one of my white clothes is now ruined thanks to a lipstick that weaselled its way into my washing machine.

Alexander: Was the lipstick at the very least Saint Laurent?