sex

Cecily, on QI.

Cecily: I was considering taking in a sex slave, but I don’t know how good I’d actually be at being a dominatrix. I like being lazy in the mornings, and I don’t know how prepared I’d be to get up and whip someone to do my dishes. Also, if some masked gentleman were living in a cage by my bed, I’d feel self-conscious about watching so much QI.

Two friends, on profiteroles.

Cecily: Profiteroles are rather inspiring in the bedroom, I hear.

Christian: Don’t they crimple up under the pressure ? And the cream ooze out ?

Cecily: Quite right. They’re just fun little metaphors rolling around in our purses, waiting for the right moment to be brought out to ooze.

Christian: You keep profiteroles in your purse? An eclair might be more up your street.

Cecily: Eclairs, in my experience, beg to be eaten as soon as they’re bought. They’re just so damn desirable. But as a sexual presence, they’re too obviously dickish. And dicks aren’t really all that attractive. As a creative, I favour subtlety. Society has hopefully evolved beyond the phallus.

Christian: And so you start referring to testicular metaphors instead. Original.

Cecily, messaging while Marty McFly is in the bathroom.

Cecily: I am on a first date with Marty McFly. He’s wearing a half-denim varsity jacket. He said “Don’t cry for me Argentina”, when he left for the bathroom, and he has a watch with a digital face.

I’m into the weird ’80s/90s vibe, but I do feel like I’m living in a period film. He said I was like Zelda Fitzgerald. So our eras have collided into great making out and digital-faced watches and big vintage hats.

I will likely never see him again, because I can’t deal with someone who says the words “fresh” and “slammin'” un-ironically.

He has a haircut that makes him look like the Karate Kid. Also, he has Warner Brothers characters on his hoodie, and a cute smile. There are white pants and shoes involved, after Labor Day. He continually references Peewee Herman. He uses the Internet, even though personality-wise, it really feels like he shouldn’t.

From his touch, he may be really good in bed. We have a physical connection despite the lack of congruent eras.