Alexander, on stock characters.

Alexander: I have realised recently that the vast majority of people one meets are simply stock characters in the grand scheme of life’s narrative. The only people worth holding on to are other “writers”. Nearly all of the people with whom I consort are plot devices, nothing more. So now I’m bingeing on Häagen-Dazs, drinking The Botanist out of the bottle, and watching Bridget Jones’ Diary.

Cecily, on herself.

Cecily: Horizontal mobility would suit me just as well as upward mobility in this life. I have already reached a level of refinement and class unrivalled, and now I seek to enrich my experience, broadly and without apology.

Cecily, having a midnight dilemma.

Cecily: I am desperately in need of a midnight snack, but a) I don’t want to get fat, b) I don’t want to get up, and c) I don’t even know if I got up whether there would be anything to get fat with.

Cecily, on “Frederic”.

Cecily: We called him Frederic for two hours before we realised that it was not his name. A twenty two year-old comedian with a provincial French accent, he slithered up to us when we were all eyes-peeled for benefactors, and poised to target men with Berlutti shoes. I use the word “slithered” a little callously. But slippery, young, money-hungry women look more like goddesses than snakes, and poor French boys looking for a little love lust can at times be scrawny and clothed in snake green. Frederic was.

Two friends, on love.

Alexander: Love is an illusion, death is inevitable.

Cecily: Love is not an illusion. Marriage is inevitable. I will be happy.

Alexander: The very existence of love, or indeed any sentiment, is questionable. Marriage is a social construct. Happiness is rampant hedonism.